The Summer of Love: The Sandra Bernhard Experience

Every summer since has been a dismal TV entertainment experience in comparison to the summer of 2001. Come along with me as I revisit a tantalizing television treat. My dear friend Joss begins many a charming story by saying: "I was sitting at home minding my own business when suddenly"... the hairs on my forearms tingled as though I was about to be struck by lightning. Zipping through the channels of the cable TV universe with the space commander remote control when, like a super nova, I came upon A & E's contribution to the sophistication starved masses, The Sandra Bernhard Experience.

Without meaning to be, or imitating in any way, the show seemed to have almost a Tom Syder Tomorrow-esque vibe, sans the profuse cigarette smoke and Tom's forced cackle. That's a complement, by the way, because I think Tom was decades ahead of his time and one of the coolest cats with a comb-over that ever graced the tube. That's another story for another time. On this late-night program Sandra seemed to somehow manifest herself in your darkened living room with a pianist and enchant us with her incomparable song stylings and eccentric celebrity interviews. Her hip and edgy interview style and eclectic, to say the least, array of special guest stars made this program live up to it's name because it was an experience extraordinaire.

Although highly and un-justifyingly panned-- really, really panned that is, my personal one and only criticism of the show was the second banana, side-kick who was incongruous to Sandra and the format. I honestly think that's what threw most viewers off. Her presence-- as pleasant as she seemed-- just didn't make any sense whatsoever. The gal was so unmemorable I needed to reference the IMDB to figure out who she was, then Google around to see if I could find more data. Apparently this person-- Sara Switzer-- has been the longtime, live-in love of Ms. Bernhard's. It goes to show you just because you love someone doesn't mean the world will. Not an anomaly in the entertainment business, we all can probably rattle off a list of actors and actresses-- as wonderful as they may have been in many other roles-- who were unfortunately miscast in any number of vehicles. Since most gems have some sort of flaw, let's accept Sara. Embrace her as a lovely flaw, forgive and move on. Sandra's uber-hip sophistication was as refreshing as tabbouleh and a mint julep on a hot summer afternoon. As I sat back with a pack of smokes and a highball, I hunkered down for what was to be a much-to-brief affair with a sexy, provocative, gorgeous, intelligent temptress that made this gay guy fall in love with a women who has more balls than most men. I've always adored Bernhard, but this show made her seem as though she was a mysterious neighbor who might knock at your door at midnight asking to borrow some vermouth, then slip back into the summer fog leaving you to think, oh-- please don't go. I'll buy you all the vermouth you need...no use, she's gone. Until-- hopefully-- the next time she needs an ingredient for her lover's cocktail.

The Experience, unfortunately, was a very limited edition series. I believe it consisted of perhaps only a half dozen episodes, give or take. The last of which guest starred the talent-oozing-from-every-pore, my favorite Knot's Landing resident, Miss Michelle Lee. The ladies performed a duet that, as far as I'm concerned, was one of the most electrifying musical experiences of my life. They sang The Look of Love to each other. Their performance left me tantalizingly, thoroughly and perfectly limp, as one feels after feral, grunting, grinding, sweaty & slippery man sex. All I could do was light a cigarette and smile, sending a cosmic thank you to the ladies of the evening who visited me that night and sang me into their lair. The seductive, velvety, secret club for the admirers of the imitable Ms. Sandra Bernhard.

2001 was perhaps the genesis of the reality show juggernaut. Like Mr. Syder, I believe Bernhard was way ahead of her time and now should consider venturing into the unreal world of reality TV. Although I personally would love to see Bernhard return to the late-night interview/chanteuse format in which I think she shines blindingly, perhaps she needs to reinvent herself. Convince the reality show gods that she should have the opportunity to show the world that Sandra Bernhard can not only hold her own in today's currently favored program format, but own it, rule it and spank it-- like no one but an Amazing-Amazon-Jewess named Sandra Bernhard can!